


Finding a Balance between Us

by Craziichas



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I don't know, I have no idea what I'm doing, Is this good?, Ugh, adam driver is killllllling me with his hotness, please don't think it's stupid, reylo trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-23 21:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13199358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craziichas/pseuds/Craziichas
Summary: Takes place after the events of the last jedi. Honestly i started this before I watched the movie so it was what I gathered from spoilers and tumblr. These two people are connected and they both want to be together, I wanted this to be a story of Ben Solo making a choice to be more than just Kylo Ren and choosing Rey.





	1. A Choice

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this will be or how good. I just love this ship and I wanted to explore this because a lot of the fanfics I've read, and trust me it's been a lot, have been either Rey going to Ben or them just being in this dance of neither making a decision.

Chapter 1

__

 

The bond remained even after Snoke died; it was something that he held onto. Despite her rejection of him, he couldn't let go of his feelings. He didn't want to. He was angry at first, angry that she didn't understand what he wanted of her. He wanted her by his side, to rule over the galaxy but that didn't mean it had to be the same as it was. He needed her, to keep him calm, to keep his rage at bay. She calmed him, in a way that he can't ever remember being on his own. He had hoped that she needed him as well but while the bond remained they hadn't spoken through it since she left him. 

He was now Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and deep down it wasn't at all what he wanted anymore. The feeling of having this control, this power meant nothing to him now. He wanted to be angry that a girl changed him so much in such a short time but really he felt relief that Snoke hadn't fully taken him in. That there was light left in him despite killing his own Father. He regretted that the moment it was done and wished he had the power to take that back, but even he couldn't do that. 

He stood looking out at the vast empty space before him, Hux begrudgingly telling him about the status of the Resistance now. His mother was dead, he might not have caused it but he might as well been the one to take the shot. He chose to hide behind a mask once again, especially now that he found himself wavering away from the darkness. He found it hard to keep from smiling when he thought of Rey. He could do that freely behind the mask he had grown to hate even before Snoke's death. 

He stopped listening to the insistence of killing the rest of the Resistance. He'd heard it for days, but he kept making excuses, ones that he knew wouldn't last forever. He had to formulate a plan that would bring Rey to him. Something had to be done because the ache she left in her wake was getting harder to handle. He turned and went back to his quarters, despite Hux trying to stop him. 

He was walking a thin line and he knew it. Hux could only be put off for so long. He called out to Rey, tried to reach her.  _ ‘Please, I need to talk to you,’ _ he said in his mind. He had pulled off the helmet the moment the door closed behind him. He paced his room, trying over and over. He wondered what he'd have to do. Clarity. He needed to know what to do. "Tell me what to do Rey," he breathed and closed his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

"The bond remains?" General Organa said. Rey only nodded, she tried to ignore the pain that stabbed her whenever she thought of Ben. Leia had known that Kylo was there when the ship she was on was destroyed. "You much end it, he is lost to us. I cannot lose you too." Rey was surprised, she felt Ben there too but she wasn't so sure he was the one to destroy that ship. 

Rey let her head fall. "I cannot end it. Snoke said he forged it but it remained despite his death. I believe that I can bring your son back, I just need more time," she pleaded. She didn't know why she still held onto this belief but she did and it was what kept her going. Her heart was broken and she knew it was because she fell in love with Ben Solo, but she couldn't have him. 

"No. If you can't sever it then block it with everything you have." Leia was resolute and it pained Rey that his own mother had given up on him. Rey nodded but she wasn't sure she could block him forever. She felt his nudging, she knew that he was trying to contact her but she wasn't sure she wanted to open that wound again so soon. She might not be able to resist him again. 

She stood and left Leia alone, before moving past what was left of the Resistance to find the quarters they provided for her. She left onto the bed and rubbed her face. When she looked up he was there, sitting across from her and he looked, broken. 

"Ben," she said softly. His eyes were off to the side, she could tell that he wasn't alone. When she said his name his eyes glanced at her briefly but he didn't fully acknowledge her. 

"The bond you speak of died with Snoke. He created it after all. I have no idea where she is, or where the remaining Resistance have gone," he said and she was left speechless. He was lying to someone. Someone that knew of the bond’s existence. "Hux, you will do well to remember that I am the Supreme Leader and you are nothing." he stood, the rage was clear and she could feel it pouring out of him through the bond. She wanted to reach out and calm him. 

"Ben, don't." Rey just wanted him to be alone. Suddenly he was sitting back down and he was looking directly at her. 

"He's gone now," he said. "I've been trying to reach out to you." He had made a choice, one that he realized he had to make on his own. It certainly helped that Hux was edging closer to overthrowing him. Especially now that he it’s revealed to him that he knows of the bond with Rey. That is not something he can afford to continue hiding. 

"I know," she said and looked down. "I needed time to understand what had happened. You saved me but you wanted me to join the darkness with you. I couldn't do that. I can't do that Ben." She realized herself that she couldn’t force him to come to her just as he couldn’t force her to come to him. They had to choose each other. Seeing him now, she knows that she’s chosen him. Not the First Order, not the Dark side, but him. Just him.

"Rey, I know. That's why I'm coming to you," he said before standing and then he was gone. Rey jumped up. 

"Ben! Ben?!" she yelled. What did he mean he was coming to her? Here? To the Resistance? She ran out of the room before she burst into the room Leia had been left in. "General!" she bent over, her breath coming heavily. "Ben isn't lost and I'm going to prove it. I'm leaving, he said he was coming to me, not to take me away but I believe to join me and leave the order. He lied to Hux about the bond remaining and said it died. Your son is still in there." Rey stood up suddenly noticing Finn and Poe looking at her with concerned looks. She turned and walked out not waiting for any response from anyone. 

_ ‘Tell me where to meet you Ben,’ _ she said through their bond. She felt resolve and she smiled. He made a choice and it was one that she wasn't expecting. She was in her room gathering her things when Finn entered. 

"Where are you going?" he asked. She could hear the concern in his voice. She stopped and looked at him before sighing. 

"I'm meeting Ben," she said simply. 

"Leia wanted me to stop you. She thinks that he's tricking you." Finn watched her with concerned eyes. "Is he?"

_ 'Meet me on Jakku,’ Ben _ said through the bond and she smiled to herself. No one would think that Supreme Leader of the First Order and the Resistance's Jedi would meet there. 

Out of everyone she expected him to be the most against this, given his history with Kylo Ren and the First Order. She turned fully to look at him and shook her head. 

"He is not. This bond we have...we can't lie through it. I know that he's telling the truth, she just doesn't understand," Rey sighed before going back to gather her things. 

"Rey, she's probably not going to let you leave," he moved closer. "I don't know if you are going to make it out of here without doing something you'll regret. Just stay. Tell him you aren't coming, that you don't want that. Please?" 

_ 'They don't want me to leave Ben,' _ she said through the bond. She was panicking now. She looked at Finn and shook her head. She knew what she'd have to do, she wouldn't like it but she'd do it because she was going to meet Ben and no one was going to stop her.

_ 'Do you want to leave?' _ he asked and she let her irritation at the silly question flow through the bond instead of answering.  _ 'Then you know what you will need to do in order to make that happen. They will forgive you once they realize you were right.' _

She takes a deep breath and looks Finn in the eye. "I am leaving this base and you are not going to stop me." Finn's eyes go blank and he repeats what she said. She knows that it worked. It’s a task she has to perform multiple times before she is in the Falcon and on her way. 

 


	2. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are together again. That's all that really matters right? ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first, thank you for the comments! Also I've been sick, still am, but wanted to get another chapter out so hopefully this isn't too bad. Also I'm sure that some of the characters aren't quite accurate because I'm not 100% on that but Leia has given up on Ben so I feel like this would be understandable.

Chapter 2

_ Reunited _

 

Their bond wasn’t particularly intimate, in fact the only intimate moment he felt they really shared was when they touched hands by the fire after she talked about her experience in the cave. He had thought about it of course, what she’d taste like when he kissed her or how she’d smell when he held her close to him. It wasn’t something that he felt would ever come to pass and he was okay with that. The trip to Jakku was a long one, thankfully Hux was placated with the idea of him searching for her. He had to check all the ships systems to make sure that Hux hadn’t hidden some kind of tracker, before he felt comfortable enough to tell her where to meet him. This had to go right, that was all that he knew. 

_ ‘Why are you doing this?’ _ she asked through their bond and he rubbed his face wondering how best to answer that question. He checked and found that he still has time before he’d arrive at Jakku. He sat back and closed his eyes. 

_ ‘I didn’t kill Snoke to become the Supreme Leader, I killed him to protect you. I killed him and realized that he had needed to die. That yes, the Jedi and the Sith needed to be over. Neither are good, neither are right. But you and I….we have a chance to be more than that. And I guess it took me being Supreme Leader and you rejecting my offer for me to think about what I really want .  _ He opened his eyes and let out a breath, the notification of arriving to Jakku pulling him out of the bond just a bit. 

The funny thing about their bond was that it was always there. Even as he watched her close the door to the Falcon and really leave him, he could still feel her there. They couldn’t see each other but he could feel her. Feel her sadness, her pain, her disappointment in him. He knew that mean that she could feel him too. Feel his heartbreak, his anger, his longing. Over the time before he’d finally gotten her attention he tried his best to go back, to pretend that he was still full of the Dark Side, that he wanted to rule the Galaxy exactly as Snoke had wanted. It got harder each day because even though he was full of Darkness, the Light inside him pulsed brighter after meeting her. 

He landed his ship in the middle of nowhere because he didn’t want to be seen. He waited, for her to arrive. He gave her his coordinates of his landing and paced around the small ship. She hadn’t responded to him yet so he didn’t even know what she thought about his reasons for leaving the First Order.

 

* * *

 

Rey couldn’t think after hearing his words, his reasons for all of this. She knew that it was the truth, that he realized he didn’t want to be the Supreme Leader. She wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he didn’t want to rule the Galaxy still, he just clearly didn’t want to do it that way. She wondered what it was that he actually wanted then. Did he want to switch sides? Be with the Resistance? She didn’t even think they’d have him. She didn’t have more time to think, let alone respond to him, the sound of Poe’s voice got her attention.

“What the hell are you doing Rey?” he said, obviously angry. She hadn’t needed to Mind trick him because he wasn’t around. But she wondered if he thinks poorly of her for it. Was Finn mad at her?

“I am doing what I have to,” she said simply. She could feel Ben, she thought that she would open the bond, let him listen but she didn’t. 

“You are a traitor? Meeting the Supreme Leader isn’t going to do you any favors. The General is furious right now and I’m the one getting yelled at here! And you Jedi Mind Tricked your best friend? Finn is hurt Rey. What are you thinking?” he was yelling and she closed her eyes. Ben was listening. She didn’t have to open anything, he was always there. He didn’t always listen in, that much she knew but he could have anytime that he had wanted. 

“I am not a traitor. I’m not a damn Jedi. I’m not a part of the bloody Resistance. But I am going to meet Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren. But Ben. And he’s left the First Order, but clearly he won’t even been welcome home will he?” she bit back. She didn’t know what she was more angry about, that Poe thought he could actually make her feel bad for fighting for something she’d not even been a part of until recently or that Ben’s mother actually believed that he was gone for good. That she honestly had given up on him just like he already thought she had. 

“Rey, you will turn that ship around right now or I will label you as a traitor to the Resistance and you will be tried should you try and return,” Leia Organa’s voice didn’t even sound the same. The threat caused a flair of anger flow through the bond. Ben was angry at what he heard. Rey took a few deep breaths and the saw that she was about to arrive on Jakku now. 

“General Organa, I am not a part of the Resistance. I have no official title, I am not a Jedi. I’m a scavenger girl, I’m a nobody. I have no place in this story,” she paused and she felt Ben’s anger fade and sadness replaced it. “You can not label me a traitor when I’m not a part of anything. But I do have a few things to say to you. You, Luke and Han are the reason that Kylo Ren existed at all. Your job was more important than caring for your son, Luke was too afraid of Ben’s power and almost killed him because of it instead of loving him and showing him that he was important to something, and Han was too busy being gone to do a damn thing. So I am going to bring back Ben Solo to this Galaxy and you don’t deserve to be a part of that. Goodbye General, I really hope being a General in a losing Resistance was worth it.” Rey flipped a switch and they were gone. Her fist was gripping the chair so hard that her fingers started to hurt. 

_ ‘Rey,’  _ his voice in her head reminded her to breath again and let her grip go.  _ ‘You just cut ties with the Resistance. I’ve cut ties with the First Order. What are we going to do now?’ _ she could feel his admiriton of her through the bond. No one had ever stood up for him the way she had, that much she knew. What were they going to do? She took a breath. 

_ ‘Does the First Order know you’ve cut ties?’ _ she asked. She was only minutes away from landing on Jakku. She was going to see him again. 

_ ‘Not yet but..’ _

_ ‘Then we will go back together. You want to rule the Galaxy but you want to do it with me, do it the right way. Then that is what we are going to do. We aren’t going to be Sith or Jedi. We are going to be better than that.’ _ Once the ship landed she rushed to open the door and step out. She knew that this was the best way. They can make changes, she can join him but not be evil. He can be the leader without being evil too. The heat made her remember her old life, part of her missed the simplicity of it, but all she wanted was to see his face again. 

He was standing by his ship, his eyes on her as she walked slowly towards him. Her face broke out into a smile that she couldn’t help. He was really there, he was really there and he was real. She started running until she slammed her body into his, her arms wrapped around his neck and she held on with everything that she had in her, her feet weren’t touching the ground anymore. She felt his arms move around her waist and her back, he was holding her just as tightly.

 

* * *

 

He pulled his head back to look at her. She wanted to join him, maybe not the way he had originally asked of her, but she wanted to do something. To change things, and she said goodbye to his mother and her friends without a second thought. 

“Are you sure that you want to do this?” he asked her, his eyes searching her face for a sign that she was unsure. 

“I wasn’t a part of those people. Finn, he doesn't need me. He’s got Poe and Rose now. I barely knew Poe or Rose. And I can’t stand behind your mother anymore. I can’t. I will miss them, maybe wish I could have said a proper goodbye but we can do this. We can change what the First Order is about, it might take time, but we can,” she put her hands on the sides of his face as he let his hold on her loosened.  

“This won’t be easy. Hux will want you dead, and these people, they expect death and violence. How could I make them see that not being about killing entire planets is actually the better choice?” he was nervous. While he wanted her by his side, he didn’t want to put her at risk, or make her do things that she would regret later. 

“Okay. well maybe we can point out that Resistance are basically over. No one is responding to their calls for aide. They don’t have the funds to get new ships. They are just thirty or so people, you’ve all won. We could also tell them what you said. That it’s time for the old ways to die and to start anew. If you want people to stop rebelling then you need to do for them. Provide things, protection, food, whatever is needed and show the people of the Galaxy that the First Order doesn’t need Fear to be respected or supported,” she said fast, her thoughts rambling. She had pulled away and started pacing as she spoke. He could only watch as she spoke. There was merit to what she said and he was sure that he could make the changes if she was there with him. 

“You are better at this than you thought,” he said with a genuine smile and it caused her to stop pacing and just stare at him. “What?” he started to frown.

“I’ve never seen you smile, it’s...it’s quite nice,” she said, her cheek reddening. He blushed himself and ducked his head down. 

“If we do this, there may be times when I have to be Kylo Ren and not Ben Solo. I can’t be soft around those people. I will get murdered in my sleep,” he lifted his head to look at her. 

“I know,” she moved back to stand in front of him. “You have so much Darkness in you but there is Light there too. If you can accept the Light in you than I can accept the Darkness in me. We are equals in the Force. I’ve read some of the old Jedi texts that Luke had that I may have stolen before I left him but I did read about Grey Jedi. There needs to be a balance, we can be that balance because we know that we both have Darkness and Light.” She lifted her hand up to touch his face. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his face into her hand. He’d dreamed of this, dreamed of them together. He opened his eyes and just looked into hers. He lifted his hand to lightly grip the back of her neck and pulled her up to him while he leaned down to kiss her. His other arm wound around her back and pulled her closer. Her hands moved up into his neck, her fingers weaving into his hair, and she kissed him back. 

The bond made the moment all that more intense, the feelings moved between them causing them to practically fold into each other. They only pulled apart when the need to breath forced them to seperate. He looked down at her, she looked up at him, they were smiling. 

“I suppose you should grab your things then, we have a Galaxy to rule,” he breathed out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was good, kudos and comments may heal me! So feel free :)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me. Comment!! I'm terrible and keeping up with my stories but I'm so into this right now so we'll see. :) More comments and kudos so I know I should even bother continuing!! -wink wink- -nudge nudge-


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